When Katie started her own business, she felt a surge of nervousness to start with. Technically, she felt good about it, now as a Personal Trainer, she could finally give people advice and help them with struggles of their physical fitness. Struggles that Katie personally experienced. This thing we call life can be incredibly challenging and she often had wished for someone by her side, guiding her. Maybe she wouldn’t have spent years and years worrying about her body and her weight.
One of the reasons she felt nervous was due to the awareness that starting a business also involved inherent risks. She had invested significant time and money to pursue her dreams, following her lifelong aspiration of leading a purposeful life. Becoming a Personal Trainer gave her that sense.
Registering her business and putting herself out there to gain attention not only took time but also effort. When she received an inquiry from her first client, she was filled with excitement. She almost jumped for joy that someone had chosen her for help.
Reflecting on her anxieties now, Katie found humor in the situation. Even though it’s not funny, but she had been living with it for years, decades even, and had not been aware of it. She used to suppress any rising thoughts of unease and discomfort. She had always believed there was something fundamentally wrong with her. The internal struggle, the fight against her own thoughts, left her often drained and exhausted. As a coping mechanism, Katie would rarely leave the house to avoid the discomfort.
Now, Katie knew better. Someone had noticed and casually asked, "Are you dealing okay with your anxieties?", which had made her dig into the topic. Researching and learning about various techniques to manage anxiety, she started a journey of self-discovery and healing. Education had really helped, and she began seeking support from others.
Sometimes, she could silence the anxious thoughts easily and redirect her mind towards positivity. She would remind herself, ‘These are just your anxieties. Take a deep breath and stop worrying. It’s going to be okay. You’re actually excited about this.’ While this approach worked most of the time now, there were still moments when it didn't.
Today happened to be one of those days. As Katie sorted through stacks of papers in her office, she was interrupted by the notification sounds from her laptop and phone. She received a new email.
Sitting in front of her laptop, she opened it, revealing the completed questionnaire from her first client.
As she scanned through the four-page document, an unexpected wave of anxiety washed over her. Almost drowning her. Thoughts raced through her mind like shooting stars, creating a meteor shower of self-doubt.
‘I can’t do this.’
‘This is too much.’
‘I’m not good enough for this.’
‘Who am I to help others?'
Katie's body tensed, her throat tightened, and breathing became difficult. Her heartbeat became louder and stronger. She could almost hear it beating in her chest. ‘What the heck is wrong with me?’ she wondered.
Overwhelmed by the intensity of her thoughts and emotions, she felt paralyzed, her mind going blank. For a moment, she didn’t know what to do. She just sat there, staring anxious at her screen, while the thought pattern kept going and going. What was she supposed to do with this questionnaire? 'Come on, Katie! Come on, you can do this! Think! Think harder!' She tried to force herself to get past this barrier. But she failed, and questioned her capabilities. "I knew, I couldn't do it. Everyone was right. I'm simply not intelligent enough for this." She said out loud. Saying the words that she'd been thinking made her feel even worse.
Attempting to access the tools that had helped her in the past, Katie found her memory empty, blank. There was nothing. Simply nothing. Panic set in, and for a brief moment, she considered reaching out to someone for help. Maybe a friend? A relative? But how would they be able to help her? They weren't personal trainers. "They wouldn’t", she answered her own question. "I’m alone. I’m alone in this." Placing her head in her hands, she wished for the voice in her mind to quiet down.
Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore. With one swift motion, she clapped the laptop shut, got up and walked out on the deck.
Overlooking the serene scenery of the small backyard, the trees, the flowers, and the gentle breeze rustling through the leaves, she finally took a breath.
The instant relief washed over her, encouraging her to take several more deep breaths, while watching the birds perched in the trees. Slowly, her body relaxed.
"I thought I had my anxiety under control", she mumbled out loud with a hint of sadness.
As her body relaxed and her mind calmed, she remembered the tools she had learned to cope with overwhelming feelings.
Pause. Take a break. Go for a walk. Breathe. Take it slow. Call or talk to someone.
And that’s exactly what she did. She paused and took a break. She focused on her breath, finding comfort in the calming presence of nature that surrounded her. Then she pulled out her phone and dialed her best friend, Maggie. After a couple of rings, Maggie's enthusiastic voice echoed through the phone. "Oh hey, I was just thinking about you. How are you doing?"
Just the sound of her friend's voice, made Katie feel better. "Ummmm...to be honest.." Katie hesitated. It still wasn't easy talking to someone about her anxieties. She took a breath. "I just received the completed questionnaire from my first client, and it just sort of freaked me out." "Oh? How come?" Maggie asked curiously. Another breath. Another exhale. "I just feel like, I can't do it. What am I supposed to do next? There are so many expectations. I don't think, I'm capable enough for this." Katie finally said.
There was a short pause. "Okay, why don't we reframe this situation first. You have worked incredibly hard to get where you are now. You were so excited about your first client because deep down, you knew you could truly make a difference. This questionnaire only highlights what you already know. You have the knowledge and expertise to guide someone on their weight loss journey because you've been there. You've done it. And I think we should really celebrate the fact that someone wants to work with you. You've given them plenty of reasons to believe in you." Maggie stopped for a moment, giving Katie time to let those words sink in. Although Maggie wasn't a Personal Trainer but a primary school teacher, her support made a significant difference. It made Katie feel better about herself and the work she did. That proved the point that she was wrong before. Maggie helped Katie realize that she didn't need friends who were Personal Trainers; she needed someone she could trust, someone who could offer a fresh perspective on her situation.
Then Katie whispered something she had only just acknowledged to herself. "Maggie, I'm scared. I'm scared of making mistakes." A wave of relief washed over her as she expressed her fears openly, instead of fighting them alone. Katie could hear Maggie smiling. "That's good."
Although Maggie couldn't see her, Katie's face twisted in confusion. "Before you say anything, let me explain." Maggie chuckled. "Of course, you're scared. This is new territory, and your business holds great meaning to you. That's why you'll do everything in your power to do things right, just as you always have. Just take some deep breaths, and work through it step by step. If you feel overwhelmed at any point, take another break, sort your thoughts, and give me another call." Laughing again, she added, "Nobody said you have to complete this task within seconds. Take your time. This is what starting a business is all about. You'll get better at it over time. But for now: Step by step."
Their conversation continued, and by the end, Katie's anxiety had dissolved. Now, she felt empowered and excited to resume her work. Maggie reminded her of the initial reasons she started her business, reaffirming her purpose. Shifting her thought pattern to positivity, she made a conscious decision to treat herself with kindness.
‘I can indeed do this.’ ‘I’m good at this.’ ‘This is all part of the learning process. Take it all in.’ ‘Step by step.’ ‘Take it slow. You don’t have to respond today. Tomorrow is perfectly fine.’
By allowing her to be kind to herself, she regained her confidence and returned inside, reopening her laptop.
She began reading through the questionnaire again. This time, slower. Step by step, taking notes, writing down additional questions, and conducting further research.
She no longer worried about the duration of the process or her ability to assist the client. She knew that with time, her confidence would grow. Without the anxiety, she found joy in the task, feeling motivated and fully prepared for the next step.
And it turned out: There was nothing wrong with her after all.
What are the learnings from Katie’s story?
Even if you have effectively managed or healed your anxieties, there may be times when they resurface, and that's perfectly normal. Remember the strategies you have learned to regain control.
Don’t beat yourself up. Ever.
Always treat yourself (and others) with kindness.
When you feel overwhelmed, take a pause. Breathe.
Take small steps and practice releasing these thoughts. With time, it will become easier. Be patient with yourself.
There is nothing wrong with you. Period.
You are not alone. There is always someone available to assist you, whether it's a family member, friend, or support person from a helpline.